Baby Loss Awareness Week runs from 9 to 15 October each year and is an opportunity for those affected by pregnancy and baby loss to share their stories and help raise awareness to ensure no one feels alone.

For mum-of-four Shelley Evans, 43, it’s an important opportunity to ensure her son Casper, and other babies like him, are not forgotten.

She said:

My biggest fear is him being forgotten. He is part of our family, part of us, and I’m his mum, even though he’s not here anymore.

I didn’t know there was an awareness week before. I didn’t believe it would ever happen to me. Now I like to raise awareness each year on my social media, and we have a display at home for Casper, with pink and blue lights in the front garden. We also light a candle for him. And each year on his birthday we release butterflies, which we raise from caterpillars in our garden.

Casper was Shelley’s third pregnancy (she also has sons Dexter, 13, and Cooper, 10) and while she’d been sick during all her pregnancies, this time it was worse. When she couldn’t feel the usually active Casper just ahead of his due date in July 2019, she went straight to Queen’s Hospital.

Sadly, a doctor informed Shelley and her husband James (pictured above right with Shelley and baby Capser) that he had died. As she was so far along in her pregnancy, Shelley had to give birth to Casper, who was born with his umbilical cord around his neck.

She added:

I was in shock. They gave me a pill to start labour, then sent me home until my contractions started. I was terrified.

As well as my midwife, I also had a student with me and while the midwife got on with what needed to be done, it felt like the student was almost there for me. She was so kind and even stayed after her shift to see him born. It was very hard as I gave birth on the labour ward and could hear other babies crying. I had skin to skin with him for a few hours then the midwives said I could bathe and dress him if I liked. It was strange, he was gone but I was so frightened of hurting him, I couldn’t.

Casper was placed in a ‘cold cot’, a refrigerated cot which allows parents to spend time with babies who have died, and Shelley and James spent time with him in our Snowdrop Suite, a dedicated place for families to spend time following the loss of a baby.

When they left the hospital a few days later, both Shelley and James gave Casper bracelets to be kept with him.

Shelley, of Romford, said:

It was really hard to go home as you have all the bits but you don’t have your baby. We had the cot all set up and had to take it down.

Even thinking about going home now, it still feels really raw. I was traumatised. I never understood the term ‘aching arms’ before, until I had Casper. I was yearning for him, looking for him. It was such a horrendous feeling.

Shelley and James were supported by one of our specialist bereavement midwives, Louise Brodrick, entrusting her to give baby Casper to their funeral directors after they said goodbye. She was also able to help in other ways, such as giving Shelley tablets to stop her breastmilk, which would have further traumatised her.

The support continued when Shelley became pregnant again, but the family faced further heartache when she miscarried. Around a year after Casper died, Shelley became pregnant with Lyra, now three (pictured below with Shelley).

She added:

Louise was with me when I found out the sex, and she supported me at 37 weeks when I asked to be induced, after what had happened with Casper. 

Lyra is named after a star constellation. We have a star named after Casper and we wanted to connect them. His middle name is Theodore and Lyra’s is Thea. There’s something special about her, she’s amazing, and so cheeky. She knows about him, and says he fell asleep in my tummy.

Casper will be among the babies remembered at a special service on Friday 11 October at the Queen’s Hospital Education Centre from 18.30 to 19.00. All those affected by baby loss are welcome. You can also join the meeting via Microsoft Teams , with ID: 363 003 130 320, and passcode: uZBqZr.

If you would like your baby’s name included in the service, email bhrut.bereavementmid@nhs.net .

There are several charities which support those affected by baby loss, including  Sands  and  S.O.S Baby Loss.